Ben Swift

September 2001

copyright 2001

i woke up
yesterday
with soreness
in my
left ass cheek
(gluteus maximus)
and left shin
(tibialis anterior)

i couldn't walk so well
but i got around
and accused kristen
of punching me
in the butt-ox

today
the pains have spread
to my right fore-arm
(flexor digitorum profundus)
and my stomach
(tendinous inscriptions)

i do not know why
it is painful to even sit up
but that is not all
my neck hurts too
and
i want to sleep

< a walking poem > 9.4.01

me and this girl
went to a movie the other night
ok, it was kristen
anyway
in front of us
in the ticket line
was a woman
who i think may have time-warped
into the present
from about 1984 or so

she had huge, bleached blond hair
perm'd and curled and controlled
just waiting for a flame
to ignite the aqua-net crust

she was super tan too
the kind of orange
only cheerleaders get
the cancer-orange of tanning booths

she was wearing this shirt
skin tight lace, white
with a swirling
blue and purple and green
mini skirt
white legwarmer socks
and white tennis shoes
perhaps they were keds
i don't know

anyway
we were standing behind this
person
and i looked at kristen
with the oh-my-god-shannon look
and she chuckled
well
it was more of a giggle

< a good weekend > 9.4.01

it was a good weekend
i am rested
i am happy
i am well fed
overall
not bad

saturday was ok
don't remember it at all
must have gone well
got my homework done
so that's good

suday was good
went to omaha
for grandma's b-day
got to see buddy
ate a lot of good food
then later
ate more good food
at kristen's house

mostly i like eating i think
that's what weekends are good for
ah well
at least it is something

< last week > 9.4.01

i was depressed i think
maybe not
maybe i was just tired
or crabby
or hot
or annoyed
i don't know
because
i don't hate my job
honestly
it is mostly fun
most of the time
and the people are nice
it's just
i don't get paid enough
and have to go give plasma
to buy groceries
and that
that is fucked up
in my opinion

< caffinated > 9.4.01

i am
thoroughly caffinated today
i had a liter of diet mt. dew
my favorite morning beverage
and then 3 cups of coffee
so
i am doing fine

< gotta pee > 9.4.01

you know that feeling?
you gotta pee
you gotta pee now
but you are busy
so you put it off
and put it off
until
pretty soon
you don't havta pee anymore
but then
when you least expect it
you really have to pee
right now
and
that's exactly how i feel
right now

< poems are funny > 9.5.01

last night
jason and i ate
decided to start a revolution
of course
we have touched you
poetry circle people
influenced you
in subtle ways
but now
now we want to expand
take on new people
new turf
new territory
turning scholars
into babbling idiots
poets into world class poets
the old into the new
our vision
like a stencil on the world
of poetry
where only the good
can survive

< driving > 9.5.01

the other night
me and kristen
in the car
driving home
and we got pulled over
since my plates
expired
a while ago

anyway
the cop was ok
he just ticketed me
for no insurance
but
i tell you
i have insurance
i just haven't gotten the card

so
i chewed some gum
and we talked about stuff
until the cop came back

cop lights are bright
and they leave them on
pointed at your mirrors
to annoy you
or burn your eyes

< his name > 9.5.01

his name is noel
i knew this
somewhere in my head
in the way back

but i forgot
until i heard it
last night

so now i know again
and will forget again
unless someone else
reminds me

oh yeah
he is the bartender guy
the bearded one
at duffy's
who made fun of jason
and knows kristen's order

< sneezes > 9.5.01

i was just sitting here
i sneezed seven times
then
i had snot running out
down my face
and dripping off my chin
it was gross

< happy mood > 9.5.01

jim came over here
he looked at me
then he said
what's up with you?
you are in a good mood!
i said
yeah
it is a rebound week!
since i was all depressed last week
now i am happy
for no good reason at all
he said
huh!?!
then walked away
chuckling a bit

< car crash > 9.5.01

the other night
i heard
screech
crash
crash
crash
crash
crash
crash
silence

i said oh shit
and ran to the window
but in the street
was just one car
looking smashed in
on the front corner
the passenger side

there was a guy out there
pointing at his car
and people running
all around
it was confusing
and i kept thinking
where are the other cars?

we went outside
to see the commotion
a guy said his wife was there
she was a nurse
another girl came along
pointed out a car
a blazer, really
half a block away
on its side
in someone's yard
leaning on a tree

no wonder i didn't see it
i was looking
for something else
a line of cars
to explain the series of crashes
but i guess
a rolling blazer
explains it all

they said the girl
she was alright
she had run a red light
hit the little car
rolled the blazer into the tree
but was fine
except that
she was 18
she was wasted
and was going to jail

< bowling > 9.5.01

i went bowling
sunday
with kevin
it was a good time
jimmy buffet on the box
and bumpers on the lane
made it hard
to get a low score

so we pitched some balls
kevin's clanged down
like rocks on the deck
while i smoothed out
pushing each ball
faster and harder
with less accuracy

after the fourth game
and the first pitcher
we left the game there
but it came with me
in my cramping hand
and sore thumb

< productive > 9.5.01

i was thinking
thinking about being
productive
at work
thinking of something
anything to do
that would be
productive
for me
to do
anything
but the printer is broken
so i can't use that
to print poems
and i am too fried
to make graphics
or something like that
i don't know
i guess i will just float
two more hours
of work-work
and then my friend plasma
sucking the life away
and the evening
where the sun drops
saying goodnight
sucker
live another day
of nothing
trapped in a void
with nothing gained
and mind lost
to coffee cups
address changes
office banter
and nothing
in the void
you take with you

< office worker > 9.5.01

office worker
we salute you
for selflessly giving your time
your life
your mind
to the company
in trade for only money
a bit of compensation
for driving you insane
for killing your imagination
your curiosity
your drive to life

thank you office worker
without you
we would have to do it
and that would suck

< jason sent me a poem > 9.5.01

jason sent me a poem
he calls it a fetus poem
a poem that hides out
in another poems belly
i don't really get it
but i think i do
somehow
anyway
here it is:

"Rock"

Rock
Boulder
Stone
Rock rock rock!

Sometimes with chair
Sometimes a boxer
Sometimes with music

Rock
Kcor
Rock backwards!

Or
Erahck
Misspelling of rock

ROCK!

so there you have it
jason's poem
it is a fetus poem
sitting gently inside
in the belly of my poem
waiting to get born
into the real world

< m&m's > 9.5.01

i bought a bag
it fell
in the machine
so i grabbed it out
opened it up
and poured it out
into a bowl
to eat the colors
in proper order
but
there are no greens
and no blues
so i don't know
what should be done
is this something
i can complain about?

< fingernail clipping > 9.5.01

i put about as much
thought
into a poem
as i do
a fingernail clipping

< toilet paper > 9.6.01

a quiet roll
a toilet paper roll
capable of so much
so much wiping
so much tree decorating
so much concert flying
so much flaming
so much
but instead
it sits
quietly
on my desk
waiting to catch my snot
as i sneeze
and wheeze
and blow

< runner girl > 9.6.01

i saw this girl
running
today
in her little shorts
and shirt, etc..
well
she must have been tall
and run a lot
because she reminded me
of those pictures
of concentration camp people
so thin
yet hard from working
so she went by
skull head bobbing
stick arms swinging

< great idea > 9.6.01

i had a great idea
in the bathroom
while washing hands
well
rinsing them i guess
but now i forgot it
so it is lost
wait
i remember!

< junkie hole > 9.6.01

i've got a hole in my arm
a junkie hole
right into the big vein
it's where they take my plasma
and give me back
my red blood cells

i have been going there
much much too long
since i hate it
and it is depressing
and dehumanizing
but
as i have no cash flow
it is a necessary evil
twice a week
shit

anyway
i have been going there
far too long
so long that
now
i can't feel the needle go in
and i guess
that would be seen as good
by some
but to me
it is gross and weird

and makes me remember
how calm the junkies look
when the needle goes in
and i wince
but i guess
they can't feel it
either

< hot! > 9.6.01

the mcdonald's lid says
hot!
watch out
you fucking moron
this shit is hot!

so
when i took a sip
of my fresh roast coffee
it was hot
and i laughed
as my tongue burned
thinking about
stupid people
and me

< remember when > 9.6.01

remember when
you dressed up for a concert
when you had to look cool
when you gave a shit
what other people thought
yeah
i remember too
it was long ago though
and i don't know how it felt
but
i saw some people
just last night
who would remember well
since they were obvious
they had thought about
all day perhaps
and
the rock and roll barbie twins
they were ridiculous
they made me laugh
really laugh
a real, physical laugh
not just a mind fuck laugh
and
the boy with patchy pants
probably a hundred patches
punk rock you know
there is such a thing
as trying too hard

< sorted > 9.6.01

i had to sort these papers
into piles
ok- it was like i was collating!
it was gay
so i decided to stop
and not do work for a while
so now
now i am not working

< automated > 9.6.01

before
when i was working
when i was collating
i felt automated
grab white sheet
grab yellow sheet
grab pink sheet
grab green sheet
stack
repeat
it was neat
my arms moved
my brain powered down
running on fumes
white yellow pink green
stack
white yellow pink green
stack
white yellow pink green
stack

< the university > 9.6.01

i can't stop hating the university
for many small things
little things that shouldn't matter
but do
to me
so
last night
another example popped up

i was at the computer lab
transferring a file
from a zip to a 3.5" disk
a freehand file
the computers had freehand icons
shortcuts
but they wouldn't open
fine
none of the computers did
it was annoying
fine
big deal
went to the graphics lab
to make sure it was ok
but
those computers have no 3.5" drive
and it was closing soon
so i said
fuck it
i don't care
i cannot get mad
it is the university
and that's how it is
i will hate them always
but getting mad
that's a waste
making fun
that's better
and sarcasm
that's the icing on the cake

< cookie > 9.6.01

cookie
boss bought you
for me
for me
that's ownership
i own you now
you are my slave
whoops
i ate you
now you are dead
you are my dead slave

< my girl > 9.6.01

sometimes
i think my girl is crazy
sometimes
i call her crazy
which makes her crazy
and mad and offended
because
she is not crazy
just a girl

later on
i will think about it
laughing
thinking
i messed up again
but
she is crazy
as all girls are
so i don't feel too bad
calling a kettle black

< spilling > 9.6.01

so far
today
i have spilled twice
on myself
once coffee
and once mt. dew

it spills
off my lips
down my chin
onto my shirt
and leaves a spot
a wet spot
on the button panel
for about twenty minutes
but after that
you can't tell
i spilled

< shiz > 9.6.01

for some reason
i got interested
in submitting poetry
to poetry people
for publication or something
anyway
i was at this one web-site
and it had a poems on it
and i accidentally read it
and it was shiz
bad shiz
whoops!

< clifford > 9.7.01

clifford the dog
he came to me
in a box of cereal
well
it's just his head really
a finger puppet doll
a dog head
to wear
on a finger

anyway
clifford came to work
with me
today
and has been talking
non-stop all day
giving me advice
telling me secrets
gossiping about coworkers
it is too much
enough to make me puke

< another wedding > 9.7.01

another wedding
i'm going to
another wedding
shit
it seems like there's one
every year
oh
i guess there is
at least that many
ah well
this one is for a friend's sister
good luck to her
and her new guy
i guess

< these fucking bastards > 9.7.01

some fucker thinks i owe them something
having me do some shit job for them
for their laziness
for their department
fuck them and fuck that
so i walked back there
i was like
are you done with these?
implying that i could take it from there
but that bitch was snotty
and said
no, they still have to be taped up
which is the thing i was gonna do
so i was like
ok then, they are done
took them
glued them, not taped them
threw them in some box
maybe i'll go put them in the trash next
fucking attitude
assholes
a thank you would do nicely

< shiz > 9.7.01

i'm tired
and i want to go home
for the weekend
but instead
i get to rush home
change clothes
get gas
pick up girl
drive to omaha
go to wedding
for person i don't know
anymore
but did like 8 years ago
then
drive back
then sleep
hopefully

< teeth > 9.7.01

my teethe feel all hairy
like there is moss on them
but i know
there is not
it is just plaque
or something like that
making them rough
and gross
to touch with the tongue

< five poems > 9.7.01

so far
i've written five poems
today
and
that's not bad
for starting at 4 o'clock

whoops!
now it's six!

< somebody's baby > 9.7.01

i am over hearing
over the cubicle wall
some people are going goo-goo
over some baby
or maybe a dog
i can't tell
they are saying how cute it is
and the hair
and the tongue
so it could be either
i guess
they are saying it is good
and knows his name
so i don't know
more than that
i don't care
i am as curious as a cucumber

< further > 9.7.01

okay
the baby is crying now
loud
near me
i cannot see it
but i feel like
putting a cork in it
or
like connor oberst
say
somebody
shut that baby up!
somebody
put a cock in that baby's mouth!

< 11 minutes > 9.7.01

i think i'll leave
in 11 minutes
it is the perfect time
4:56
a perfect time to leave

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